Who doesn’t remember the words to that wonderfully expressed song by Tina Turner – “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” It is a valid question through the ages and particularly when it comes to relationships – romantic and otherwise.

As a therapist, I am privy to the yearnings and longings and pleas of all women. A universal theme seems to pervade the unhealthy dynamics of all concerned. I can’t tell you the countless times I’ve heard women describe the most disturbing and distorted behaviors displayed between them and their mate.

Now while it’s not my role to actually tell each client what they should do, it is my place to point out to them all the areas that are out of alignment and help guide them to a graceful resolution.

The most common phrase that I’ve heard women utter in order to condone their behavior – in fact, it is so common that I’m sure all of you have either spoken it or heard others blurt it out – is, “Because I love him!” It seems to be the pat response to a myriad of dysfunctional scenarios, as if that alone is all anyone would need to say to explain why the particular pattern is allowed to continue.

Well, while Love is certainly a force on Planet Earth, if it’s not residing somewhere deep within you, it’s not coming from you and you’re not coming from Love. So when women reactively jump to their own conclusion in order to understand their position with their guy, I say, “What’s Love Got to Do With It?”

You can’t be loving him if you are not loving yourself. You can’t be loving him if what you are allowing is detrimental to the very fabric of your being. You can’t be loving him if you’ve given all your power to your guy and you no longer have a self to speak of.

In short, if you are not creating and growing a healthy relationship in which you get to nurture and express your essential nature, you are not embracing yourself with the most powerful universal force on the planet. If that is the case, you can’t be giving away something that you have not even attained or acquired for yourself.

I know that most of you have heard that you have to love yourself first, and probably wondered what that really means. After all, you feel that you experience actual feelings of love for your partner. Why isn’t that enough?

We are not here to sacrifice ourselves in order to love another. We are here to fully “be in love” with ourselves and then emanate and share that love with others. If you are not expressing love for yourself in your expression of love for another, it is not authentic love. Rather, it is the love of storybook romances where you get to lose yourself in him.

I understand that there’s an element of truth there for many of you, but if you lose yourself, then you are not actually sharing your Self with your guy. You are denying your Soul Self and your essence. And I ask, “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” when you no longer count!

In Loving Light,

Dr. Pamela

Dr. Pamela works to help women evolve into their highest selves and attain their potential in all areas of their lives. To gain insight into your journey to your Higher Self, check out her Human Relations Center for Women.