After reading my horoscope in the Romance Department yesterday, it got me to thinking about boundaries. Here’s what it said:

“Setting boundaries is the key to handling relationship issues, especially as your responsibilities mount. Just remember that the key to setting boundaries is being willing to explore and reset them regularly.”

What actually are boundaries? Many people think they are walls that you place between you and your partner so that you don’t ever allow him fully in. While it’s true that boundaries by design will protect you and keep you safe within your scope of security, they are not actually walls.

Walls are usually in place from early on in your life. They were probably built after you discovered the outside world – including parents, siblings, peers, teachers, authority figures – was not safe. In fact, most of us have been in rather precarious situations throughout our young lives which created much insecurity and instability.

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That which you seek the most outside of yourself is that which you feel you are missing or lacking the most inside of yourself. In other words, you are trying to fill some kind of a hole or space or emptiness within. You believe that if only you can find the external fulfillment of that which you desire that you would then be satiated and filled internally.

While this certainly sounds like a plan and even seems to be the course of action most women take, I can assure you that this approach will leave you feeling as empty and unfulfilled as when you began. Oh sure, you might experience some temporary relief, perhaps a brief respite from the pain of being alone and left to your own resources.

But very soon after this state of highness, you will come to realize that it’s not a tangible reality within your own beingness. Think of it like taking a drug. Sure you first experience a blissful high, but then what happens? You come down, or perhaps even crash if it was an extreme state of highness that you artificially induced.

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In a previous article, I stressed the importance of creating Emotional Independence in your relationship in order to keep it healthy and to assure that each of you has the freedom to take charge of your own emotional well-being. While this first key can be your foundation for attaining a state of happiness in your relationship, there are two other keys to be considered that will further contribute to having a successful connection with your partner.

The second key to capturing a healthy relationship is Being True to Your Self. This means that you get in touch with your genuine feelings and you don’t deny them. You operate in alignment with your True Self – not the conditioned person you may appear to be, but the authentic You.

Of course, in order to do this, you must do some soul-searching, and some shedding of layers that no longer serve you or your Higher Truth. Instead of coming from a place where your beliefs were honed into you, find your essence and your authentic beliefs.

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